


Undercover

by IonFusion



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Discord: Umino Hours, Fake Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Poetry, Slam Poetry, there are other characters too but they don't matter as much lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IonFusion/pseuds/IonFusion
Summary: Kakashi goes on a mission - and doesn't come back. Iruka is left in the aftermath.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28
Collections: Umino Undercover





	Undercover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myka1231](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myka1231/gifts).



> This is for Camilita! Hope you like it <3
> 
> (Alright, y'all, just a reminder: I DID in fact follow the theme like a Good Girl.) :)

He is not expecting the 

Knock on his door

When it

Comes

Or the 

Words that

Break 

Him.

“It can’t be,”

He says.

“He wouldn’t

Do that!” 

_ Do what _ ,

Sandaime asks. 

Iruka

Glares.

“Leave

Me.” 

It’s an 

Answer as much as a 

Command, and then the

Hokage is gone, a 

Shadow in the 

Light.

Iruka closes the 

Door and 

Doesn’t know

What to

Feel. 

His friends try to

Talk, to 

Ask if he’s 

Okay.

_ Do you  _

_ Need anything? _

_ Are you _

_ Sleeping? _

At first he’s

Honest, 

Tears up and

Shakes his head - then

Turns them away with

Promises they

Don’t know (but

Must 

Suspect) are 

Empty.

Then he 

Refuses to

Reply. He

Learns to

Smile against he 

Pain.

“Of course,” he

Says.

“I’m 

Fine.”

All

Lies. 

But his

Friends -

Asuma

Anko

Izumo

Kotetsu

Naruto

Gai -

Won’t

Leave

Him

Alone.

He gets

Angry.

He doesn’t

Want them to 

Know that he 

Cries himself to

Sleep, that he 

Sometimes can’t sleep at

All for the

Nightmares that

Haunt him.

He doesn’t 

Want for them to 

Know that he’s 

Too

Sick to 

Eat.

He 

Wants them to 

Stop

Asking because it

Makes him feel

Weak.

(He’s been called

Weak before,

Weak because he 

Cares - but he’s been

Told that same 

Weakness makes him

Strong. Now the 

Speaker of that

Encouragement is

…

Gone.) 

Weak because their

Questions bring to 

Light that he’s

Not

Okay. That he’s

Struggling.

Suffering.

Lost.

Lost without his

Pillar of 

Strength, the

One who 

Supported him as he 

Followed Naruto’s

Guiding 

Light. 

He

Pushes them

Away.

He doesn't

Want their

Help, doesn’t

Need it. He 

Shuts them

Out. He 

Yells. He

Tells them he’s

Fine.

(It’s no

Wonder they

Don’t

Believe him, only

Watch him with

Sad 

Eyes.)

The

Nightmares

Continue. Every 

Night is another

Death - but the

Same death, the same

Helplessness.

He

Prays. He

Goes to shrines and

Begs. He falls behind at 

Work, in his

Home,

Chores piling 

Up for him to

Complete - that he never

Will.

The 

Next time Kotetsu

Asks, Iruka

Throws a 

Punch. He 

Regrets it 

Immediately - but also

Doesn’t, is just so

Done, so he 

Runs.

Runs back 

Home, runs from his

Friends, runs from his

Feelings. What 

Else is there to

Do?

He shuts

Himself 

Away. Without

Him

There, where can Iruka

Find 

Meaning?

When the

Clouds remind of 

Lazy 

Cuddles and 

Pastel 

Colors remind of 

Laughter and 

Fond

Frustration,

How can he 

Bear to be 

Outside?

But Iruka isn’t 

Stupid. He 

Knows he’s on a

Dangerous 

Path, knows

He

Would not 

Want that for him.

Iruka

Talks -

To his 

Friends, the

Sandaime. 

A 

Counselor. 

He goes to the 

Memorial Stone and tells

Him.

“Maybe,” Iruka thinks,

“He can

Hear me.”

He 

Talks to 

Naruto. 

Iruka 

Wonders if he’d 

Forgotten that his

Boy was mourning

Too. 

He 

Apologizes. Naruto 

Says there’s 

Nothing to 

Apologize 

For. 

Gradually things

Improve. Iruka goes

Back to

Teaching, and he

Finds he’s 

Glad to be

Back. 

(Maybe he 

Should have come back

Long

Before this.)

But

Even

Though he can 

Walk outside

Again, that doesn’t

Mean he’s 

Ready to 

Face his

Friends.

Naruto doesn’t

Quite

Understand - but he

Helps Iruka

Avoid the people he

_ Should _ be

Talking to.

_ Apologizing _

To.

More time is 

Spent with his

Kids, the 

Students who have

Captured his 

Heart. 

Without

_ Him _ , there is more

Time for 

Ramen with 

Naruto.

(It takes some

Time before that

Feels

Okay.) 

Iruka makes a 

Point to

Visit the 

Memorial Stone

Once a 

Week. he 

Doesn’t have the 

Strength to

Visit 

_ His _

Empty

Grave.

(He 

Still needs to

Clean the 

Apartment they

Shared, but he

Has no 

Strength for that,

Either.)

But

Laundry still needs to be

Done; Iruka 

Gathers his

Courage and

Begins the 

Process of 

Separating the things that 

Aren’t his.

Everything is 

Washed. All that’s

Left is to 

Put them 

Away. But 

Holding 

_ His _

Clothes - 

His

Shirts,

His

Pants, 

His

Masks -

Only brings

Torment.

It 

Aches, a 

Deep

Pain that

Comes with the feel of 

Cotton at his 

Fingertips - and the

Memories of

_ His _

Smile, the smile

_ He _ let

No one

See except for 

Iruka, the smile a 

Taunt. A 

Tease.

A

Promise. 

(A promise

Kept yet

Broken, leaving 

Shards of a

Heart bitterly

Familiar with being

Shattered.)

Eventually, Iruka

Decides that he

Can’t live in

Squalor anymore. He 

Ties

Back his hair,

Shoves 

Up his sleeves, and 

Gets to 

Work. 

(The Academy is on 

Holiday, so he has

Time. a 

Lot of time - two

Weeks, in fact.

It takes him

One of those to scrub

everything.)

Then he

Finally visits

_ His _

Grave -

And nearly

Dies of

Shock. 

There,

Standing in that familiar

Slouch, grey and 

Red trained on the

Headstone, is 

He who’s

Name the headstone

Bears:

Kakashi. 

_ Alive _ . 

Iruka must make a 

Sound - maybe a 

Squeak or 

Groan or 

Desperate mimic of his 

Racing 

Pulse - because 

_ He _ -

_ Kakashi _ -

Turns to 

Look at him with those

Mis-matched eyes

Wide and 

Just as 

Shocked. 

_ Iruka _ , the Copy Nin

Breathes. 

  
“ _ Kakashi _ ?”

**Author's Note:**

> Ahem. So. Uh, I plan to write a second part? That's my only excuse for ending it the way I did. I would really, really love to explore Iruka's reactions as he copes not just with his grieving process being interrupted but also *how* it was interrupted. Don't know when I'll get around to that, though 🙃 Also, even though I think I left it rather obvious what happened (come on guys, one of my favorite rules in short stories is that the title is supposed to give everything away), I'd still like a chance to explain what *actually* happened. 
> 
> As for the actual poetry, well, I challenged myself to try something new. I'm sorry that the exchange is when I decided to start experimenting with arguable results, lol. 
> 
> Please let me know what *you* think is going on! Also, since I'm trying smtng new, I'd like some feedback on that, too. Thank you all! ^^


End file.
